Feel Your Pain!

This morning as I sat in the car listening to The Alabama Spirituals', "Lord, don't leave me", I reflected on the time last year that I cried silently to this same song and no one in the car with me even knew it. The whole ride from home to class...I cried. With every tear that escaped my eyes without my permission, I quickly wiped them away and pretended that I was just dealing with a random cold.

As I reflected on the current pain I was facing and the lyrics of the song, the tears got harder and heavier for me to hold in. I could no longer be in control of what I had kept together for so long. At that time, those lyrics felt like the only prayer I had left in me. It was my final cry for help.

"Lord, please don't leave me 'cuz I just can't make it alone".

That was my truth.

I couldn't make it without Him and I still can't. I felt isolated from the world, a forlon attempt to obtain hope, and I knew that if He had left me, that would have been the end. I had finally realized what it meant for Him to literally become my All in All. I realized my goal was to hide the pain, but still, I secretly hoped that someone would notice it as a cry for help. Truth is, I was hurting beyond what I could handle and as bad as I wanted to cover that up - I wanted someone to save me from it.

We hide our pain when the truth is that we just want to be free from it. We allow the hidden truth of our pain to become too recognizeable, too familiar, too much of a safe haven for us. We are often too afraid of our own reality.

But I want to challenge you.

I want to challenge you to make the decision that you will allow yourself to feel the pain. Holding it in is hard, but feeling it is brave. I know it's scary and I know it hurts, but I've come to believe that my greatest pain was not allowing myself the opportunity to be free from it. To be free from it, I needed to accept that it was there and I had to feel it one way or another. I've come to believe that once I allowed myself to feel the pain, there was something purifying about it. It was a burning fire that wanted to cleanse and strengthen me.

I don't know what your pain is, but what I know is that we all, at some point, carry it inside of us and carry it with us. But the truth is there is something about pain that can be beautiful if we allow ourselves the opportunity to learn from it's purpose. And even the happiest parts of yourself can't touch it. When we allow ourselves to feel the pain, we have made the decision to bravely defeat the tactics designed to destroy us. We have made the sacred choice to recognize and trust God as He is - Jehovah Shammah (He is there), Jehovah Shalom (He is our peace), El Olam ( He is everlasting), Elohim (He's our strength & power).

Pain brings you to yourself. It shows you who you really are, how courageous you really are, how strong you really are. Pain is a part of the experience in life. Don't run from it because somewhere along the way it will find you. But you owe it yourself to be reminded that through all your pain, God is capable of carrying you through it.

Today, this song reminds me of how blessed I truly am. I'm not sad listening to it anymore, and though the tears still flow when I hear it, it is only because I'm gateful for the assurance that God is forevermore and consistent. The true source of my strength. I have learned to take God, literally. I will forever be humbled by the love He has for me. There is precious worth of being known by God.

"Lord, please don't leave me 'cuz I just can't make it alone!"..........That is still my prayer today and forever.

Stand Strong. Stay in the race.

Blessings & Grace!