A Writer's Cry.

OK. Here we go.

I don't know, actually. I have so much to say, but nothing to write. The words never seem to translate from my mind to my fingers to end up on my screen or even on paper. For whatever reason, I can't write anymore. I don't know. I just can't.

It sucks. Because writing is my life, but somehow I've found myself cutting off the very thing that helps me to to survive; the gift that helps me to stay afloat in my life. I can't help but think this clearly must be the enemy's trick. My writing will get me out of poverty; open doors that no one, but God can open; break chains; help others to survive. I know all of this and somehow I still can't manage to do it. What if I'm giving the enemy too much credit? What if it's just me?

Nah. I don't think so.

As much as I want to contribute it to laziness just to conjure up some fallible excuse as to why I no longer write - I just can't. Excuses, excuses...I know that's what you say. But it's harder to explain and easier to feel - more than what you can perceive just from what you are reading right now. My truth is that I pray to God every time I pick up a pen and tell Him to give me the words to say and heck even if He doesn't give me what to say, I ask Him to help me write what I have to say! What's in my head! What I feel! But ... it just doesn't happen that way. I can't explain it.

Right now, I just want to find the answer to this problem. It feels like a disease that's eating a way at me. I want to break through this. I need to break through this.

I felt so convicted recently after someone asked me about my blog and told me how much it helps them. My last post was a year ago. I could only think about how much of life they've had to deal with and how much my writing could've helped them navigate through it. It just sucks..ya know. It just made me realize I am literally sitting down on the gift that God has given me. I haven't written in a year.

Maybe I should just some type of writer's form in attempt to find a community of people who are just like me. A community that understands what my hearts feel just by reading what I write. Maybe they've been through this. I can't be the only one. Surely, writers go through this right? I hope I'm not the only one. That would suck.

Before finishing this post, I went back to read old blogs that I hadn't published and said you know what - to heck with it - just publish it, Keyona! Just do it! I always talk about wanting to be a published author, wanting to travel the world promoting my book and being a motivational speaker; yet I am not using what God has placed in my hands.

I have this blog and I do nothing with it. Somehow I have got to learn how to fight through. Some call it writer's block. I call it warfare. My writing is the foundation of all that God has for me. I believe that. Yes, I'm more than just a writer, but I also didn't just wake up one day and decide I would do this for fun. This was in me from the start. God gave this to me. He put this in my hands. I've got to use what's in my Hands. I believe He will make room for this gift. And I refuse to continue to accept what the enemy says about what God has placed in my hands.

I'm not worthless. My gift is not useless.

So I don't know what my next post will be about as far as writing. I just know I'm gonna write SOMETHING until I figure it out.This was a start.

God, hear this writer's cry. This was a start. Help me to keep going until the end.