Black Suicide: When Prayer is NOT enough.

Right now, my heart is torn and my spirit is heavy. I'm hurt and I'm angry as I scroll through Facebook and come across a post about another beautiful, young, intelligent, and African American girl who has succumbed to death at her own hands.

My heart is torn because now we will never know what this girl could have become. We will never see her potential become her fate. We will now have to remember her life for what was. Her family will now only have memories of the past to cherish. Another young girl who won't get to have the wedding of her dreams. Another young girl who won't get to have the career of a lifetime. Another young girl who won't get the chance to give birth to promises and purpose. And another soul who wasn't able to tell the story of how she got over all the odds that were up against her.

My spirit is heavy because even after researching and finding that every 12 minutes an American dies by suicide and depression consumes nearly 14 million Americans from ages 18 and up; people still believe that a hug and prayer is all we need to get through the difficult times in life. And unfortunately, mental health concerns are among the biggest and tabooed topics in Black America.

This post is not to take away from the American community as a whole when it comes to mental illnesses and suicide. This post is to shed light on the fact that in the African American community, suicide and depression is frowned upon and we are made to believe that the issue can be solved by simply slapping a religious tactic on it.

This post is to shed light on the millions of Blacks in the shadows suffering alone, managing the weight of the world in silent bent knee prayer and are made to believe that perhaps if we ignore our issue(s) for long enough or fail to name it, it will magically disappear.

The issue is not that the religious tactic isn't the answer. The issue is that there are not enough compassionate people in this world today. The issue is that people don't feel safe enough to tell others about their problems. The issue is that people feel shameful for having thoughts of killing themselves. The issue is that there are too many people who call themselves Christians, but still don't display God's love among one another. I can't begin to count how many times a "Christian" has made me question this walk. And all because their actions did not display the love of God that I knew and read about. They were not like my Christ. They did not make me feel like I could open up to them. So them praying for me was the LAST thing I wanted to hear. And that is the issue.

I think back on all the times I tried, unbeknownst to others, to take myself out. I can't count the number of times that I cried in front of people and no one managed to see the tears. The posts that I wrote on Facebook as a cry for help and no one managed to recognize it for what it was.

You can't smack a label of being too emotional or too sensitive on it and just let it go. You can't smack a prayer on it and tell them to stay strong then let it go. Perhaps, it may work for some, but majority who suffer with this illness will tell you that it only made me them feel more isolated and alone.

Somebody has got to say its okay to not feel as strong as the world sees us, but you can get up from here. Someone has got to be the voice for those of who are scared to speak out. Someone has got to be the voice for those of us who have been made to feel like our tears are just weak and sensitive traits.

We can help by first removing the stigma and myths that are associated with suicide. The religious stigma that says suicide is an unforgivable sin. The cultural stigma that says black men are macho and don't take their own lives and that black women are always strong and resilient and don't believe in suicide. We must remove the stigma that says if we get mental help, we're crazy.

No..no we aren't crazy at all. We just get tired. We are human and we feel the pressures of this world just like humans do. We're bold because we can admit to not always being strong enough to handle some stuff. We're strong because we know we don't have it all together. We're courageous because we have learned how to fight for another day when everything around us is telling us to end it all now.

We must always remember to be kind and have compassion for those we come in contact with. For there are people all over the world, every single day, who struggle and go through some kind of battle that we know nothing about.

This is for you who suffers with depression. This is for you who is cutting yourself. This is for you who has had your innocence stolen. This is for you who has been inappropriately touched by a family member, a friend, or a friend of the family. This is for you who doesn't think you're beautiful. This is for who you have been made to believe that you are stupid and you will never amount to anything in life. This is for you who wants to end your life. Doesn't matter your race. Doesn't matter your gender. This one is for you. Perhaps you don't believe that tomorrow is near. It will come. Perhaps you don't believe things will get better. It will come. Perhaps you know dying will be easier than living through your struggles. Things won't always be that way. Hold on a little while longer. I had to tell myself each and every day that if I got through one day of the pain, one hour of the rejection, one second of the betrayal, then I could fight to go on another day. I had to tell myself that all I see is darkness right now, but the light is nearer than farther. I didn't always believe it. Majority of the time I would make those declarations then hate myself for it. But I kept on pushing. Some days I had to accept that I would walk this journey alone sometimes. But it made me want to keep pushing so that the person who was sharing my struggle would know I was there for them. I wanted them to know that suicide wasn't the only way out. I wanted to be their voice and I wanted them to be mine. Because I knew if I could hold on long enough to find somebody that knew my struggle, things would start to turn around. Talk to somebody. Somewhere. Don't be ashamed to get help. Talk to your doctors. Talk to your teachers. Talk to somebody. Reach out on the internet for people who are thinking about suicide as well or who have thought about it before. Encourage each other. Get the help that you need. Because believe it or not...someone else out there understands what you are going through. And we are stronger when we are standing together.

I'm here for you. I love you. You're beautful. You're strong. You're a soldier. and You're amazing!

My heart is with you.

1 (800) 273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline